You know, a lot of individuals get into marriages without having any serious conversations about life-changing choices. Some of these organically arise during dating, while others require a proper sit-down discussion. In either case, there are a few sensitive topics engaged couples are “supposed” to discuss before tying the knot.
Know yourself first. Recognize the significance of the marriage to you. Understand your future partner next. Before the wedding, be aware of your similarities and contrasts. Regardless of how much planning was done, there will still be difficulties to overcome after being married.
Top Important Things to Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage
Here are 15 topics you and your partner should talk about before getting married.
1. Outstanding debt.
Who owns some, and what is the repayment strategy?
2. Children.
Would you like them? How many, if any? If not, are you confident enough in your choice to take permanent measures (such as a vasectomy) to ensure you don’t have them? When would you like to have your first one if you do want them?
If you are unable to conceive naturally, are you willing to consider fertility treatments or adoption? How long do you want to wait before pursuing other options after attempting to conceive naturally?
3. Location, location, location.
Where do you wish to establish roots? Make sure your partner supports your decision if you don’t want to establish any roots and would rather travel about constantly.
How important is location to your wellbeing, in your opinion? What would convince you to relocate if you were happy where you were — a job opportunity, the desire to be nearer to relatives, or better schools for your children?
4. Religion.
How important is it for your partner to share your religious beliefs and practice them alongside you if you follow a certain religion or have a particular faith? What impact does your faith or religion have on your way of life?
What religion, if any, do you want to raise your children in if you intend to have children?
5. Politics.
The most crucial conversation you have with your future spouse before getting married may be about politics.
A difference in moral principles and ideals is the foundation of the political split. No matter which side of the political spectrum you lean toward, relationships with those on the opposing side often result in arguments, fights, hostility, and friction.
Although it’s true that “opposites attract,” real happiness and contentment only come from sharing the same beliefs, fighting for the same causes, and enjoying the same activities. The influence of camaraderie is extremely strong in politics.
6. Dream home.
Do you wish to live in the suburbs in a McMansion? A comfy apartment in the sky? A bungalow by the sea? A lodge in the forest? A bonkers treehouse? Utah ranches?
Even if you don’t end up in your ideal home, knowing whether you and your spouse have similar long-term objectives will make you both feel more secure in your positions as each other’s partners and confirm that you both have the same ambitions.
7. Bank accounts and bill-sharing.
Will there be a joint bank account? Maintain separate accounts? Both? And which accounts will pay which bills?
Will you each contribute a predetermined amount of your income to the joint expenses? Have you established an emergency fund? What if one of the parents decides to stay at home with the children or loses their job? How do you intend to pay for that?
8. Division of household labor.
Laundry, dishes, and so forth. So that you aren’t forced to perform the thing you detest doing all the time, barter, negotiate, and beg if necessary.
If you absolutely detest doing the dishes but enjoy cooking, suggest to your partner that you take charge of meal preparation in exchange for them doing the dishes.
This works best if you and your partner have different intense dislikes for the same issue. If it is, use your best negotiating strategies to come to a settlement. “All right, if you’d wash the dishes, I’ll empty the litter box and do the clothes.”
9. Sex.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life only having one partner for bed? Can you have both happiness and satisfaction?
If not, you should talk about the prospect of an open union, methods for maintaining the romance, or delaying marriage until the concept of monogamy isn’t a death knell for you.
10. Hard or soft.
Your bedframe! A comfy mattress is essential for a restful night’s sleep because you will (ideally) be sharing this bed with this person for a very, very long time. If you spend too many nights awake, your relationship will suffer.
How will you come to an agreement if you and your partner have different opinions on what makes a comfy mattress?
11. Family obligations.
How much time do you currently spend with your family, how much time do you anticipate spending with them after getting married and perhaps having children, and how much time do you anticipate your spouse spending with your family (and vice versa)?
What are your holiday plans and how will you ensure that both sets of family have an equal amount of time with you and your kids throughout the key holidays? Are you the kind of person who enjoys taking family vacations, and if so, how frequently?
12. Vacations.
You and your partner need to talk about the different types of holidays you prefer or don’t enjoy in addition to extended family vacations.
If you love Disneyland and your partner despises Mickey Mouse with a fiery passion, there can be some conflict. There may be a problem if one of you just enjoys camping while the other prefers staying in posh boutique hotels.
Similarly, if one person in your relationship is a workaholic who can’t stand being too far from the office while the other prefers to spend as little time at home as possible, you need to discuss how you’re going to compromise.
While you can’t expect to plan every vacation for the rest of your life together, talking over some options that you both approve of will help you prevent future conflict.
13. The name game.
What name will your family adopt? Will one partner adopt the other’s last name? And if not, what last name would you give to any future children?
14. Career.
How dedicated are you all to your careers? Do you work to live or do you live to work? What impact will your individual careers have on family life?
How far along are you in pursuing your “dream career”? Do you still have any coursework or internships to complete? If so, when do you plan to finish taking these actions to land the kind of work you want?
How much personal sacrifice will you have to make in order to advance in your chosen career?
15. TV in the bedroom: Yay! Or nay?
Consider the TV in your bedroom as a representation of your entire marriage. Would you rather safeguard the intimacy or have a means of escaping?
Although there is no right or wrong answer, answering the question for yourselves before you are married may provide you some important insight into how you envision your married life.