You could be a sapiosexual if you’ve always been more intrigued by someone’s bookcase than their Instagram photo from the gym. The same is true if you only ever accept to dates at art museums, have a strong love on people who write for literary journals, or go weak in the knees anytime someone has a fancy skill, like playing the piano.
Okay, so perhaps I exaggerated a little bit there. But it does highlight the fact that sapiosexuals value a partner’s intellect over their physical characteristics, financial situation, and even personality. Intelligence can encompass hobbies and general knowledge. In fact, they not only prioritize it but also find it attractive.
According to relationship specialist and clinical psychologist Dr. Tari Mack, “some regard it as a ‘conversational’ orientation, [while] others see it as a genuine [sexual] orientation.” It occurs on a continuum, just like any other sexual preference or orientation. Some sapiosexuals are only attracted to intelligent individuals, while others consider intellect to be one of the most appealing traits in a possible spouse.
Try out some of these flirting and dating strategies that are positively necessary for sapiosexuals if this characterizes you and you’re seeking for a mate that shares your beliefs. You might be surprised by who you meet.
Focus On Your Own Hobbies & Interests
According to Mack, “We attract what we are.” So make sure you are involved in intellectual pursuits and hobbies that light you up if you’re seeking for an intelligent mate. Play an instrument, watch a movie, read a book, and listen to music. Don’t hold off on doing these things until you have a spouse, Mack advises. “When we pursue our own hobbies, we grow as people, are content with our lives, and radiate a vibe that will draw like-minded companions.”
Skip The Small Talk
Try to skip the small talk as soon as you can, whether you’re conversing with someone over coffee or messaging them on a dating app. Do not discuss the weather or your “case of the Mondays”; instead, go directly to the point of the conversation. The greatest approach to “evaluate their intellectual interests and whether it’s a match for you,” according to Mack, will be through this.
Need inspiration? Inquire about their preferred writers, filmmakers, and subject areas. According to Mack, this will all help the conversation go even deeper. “Make sure while you are engaging on an intellectual level that you are also expressing some personal things about yourself and asking some personal questions,” he advises.
Keep The Conversation Flowing
Show interest in continuing the conversation if you wish to express your sapiosexuality without outright declaring it. You may get information about someone’s interest in a particular intellectual endeavor by asking them when they first became interested in it or what aspect of it most excites them. Says Mack.
If the discussion goes well, you could have met your match. If not, Mack advises, “you won’t want to apologize and say, ‘I’m sorry, you’re not intellectual enough for me to be interested in you,'” However, you may state something more general like, “I just don’t believe we’re a fit. Never feel guilty about your attraction to something Because we like what we like!
Get Thyself To A Museum Or Independent Theater
Naturally, being fully immersed in culturally rich settings is the greatest way to connect. “Have dates that will generate profound intellectual talks that will turn both of you on,” advises Mack. Examples include visiting museums, debating a book you both are reading, or viewing a documentary.
Ask Tough Questions
As much as it may go without saying, Sara Sharnoff Tick, MS, LMFT, a certified couples therapist and dating coach, tells Bustle that it’s crucial to stay knowledgeable since doing so will “ensure your dialogue is interesting and challenging.”
And once more, don’t be afraid to prioritize intellect. Intelligent partners push us and make the world a more interesting and lively place, according to Tick. Better closeness in relationships is a result of the novelty and excitement that come with learning and exploring new things.
Don’t Worry About Seeming Too “Nerdy”
Do you enjoy puzzles, trivia evenings, and board games? Just go ahead. Tick argues that cognitively stimulating activities should be a part of dating.
You might even want to pull out The New York Times crossword, finish a Sudoku problem, or push yourselves to a Mensa Workout, compliments of the high IQ society, if you’re bored on a Sunday morning.
Gift Them A Selection Of Anais Nin’s Delta Of Venus
Start exchanging books as soon as possible, initially as a reason to meet up and later as a chance to learn from one another. Swapping books will not only provide you a good reason to chat, but it will also strengthen your relationship because you both have a passion for books and literature.
You might even plan your entire date night around browsing each other’s bookcases, discussing writers you both adore, or going to your favorite, old-fashioned bookstore. You’ll probably discover that you both hold dual degrees in philosophy and English at this point, and you’ll probably fall in love in the middle of the books.