It’s over. No easy feat.
Being rejected is among the worst emotions. However, coming in second place can mean being the one to break things up.
It’s more important to figure out how to end a relationship without causing unnecessary grief, discomfort, or complex misunderstandings.
Unfortunately, the “ideal breakup” doesn’t exist. Everyone suffers when a relationship is over.
But if you’re the one breaking the terrible news, there are a few things you can do to prepare for and handle the talk in a way that will benefit you and your partner.
19 Tips on How to Break Up in the Best Way Possible
Ultimately, there are certain rules to follow when you have to split up in order to lessen the suffering experienced by both parties.
You two started this relationship as adults; treat the termination of it as such.
1. Be sure.
Too frequently, after ending a relationship, the individual has second thoughts, which only results in a chaotic, painful scenario.
To organize your ideas, spend some time journaling, journaling, talking to a really close friend or family member, or talking to a relationship expert.
While maintaining the connection while you decide is difficult, it is a necessary evil. Every single individual who wants to end a relationship does not express it as soon as they have the thought. They must consider it, be certain of it, and be prepared. This is how it operates.
Make sure you really want to terminate the relationship before telling your spouse you’re leaving.
2. Don’t drag it out.
Just act upon your choice after you’ve made it. The relationship will only become worse if you put off the inevitable.
They probably already know something is wrong, but you probably keep putting it off because you don’t want to harm them.
They are aware of the adjustments. Even if they claim otherwise, very few breakups come as a complete surprise to the person being broken up with.
The sooner you complete it, the faster you both may move on with your life and find happiness once more.
3. Show up sober.
Alcohol is a verbal lubricant, after all, so it could be tempting to down a few drinks before starting the breakup chat. However, this is a horrible idea.
We’re not really there when we drink. Additionally, it’s crucial to be present throughout a breakup discussion so that you can be sincere, considerate, and remember what you want to say.
4. Break up in person.
To demonstrate how much the connection meant to you, you must really be there. Although SMS breakups are frequent these days, they nonetheless cause great pain and uncertainty in their wake.
You may still appreciate someone even after you break up with them. Both parties will be more likely to accept the situation’s finality if you explain your reasons for terminating things to them face-to-face.
5. Don’t break up in public.
You’ll need to give your spouse a chance to respond emotionally honestly, and seclusion will facilitate that.
Most likely, your partner will also inquire as to the reasons for your breakup, and if the conversation takes place in a secure and at least somewhat private environment, they will find it easier to do so.
6. Consider the right place.
Do it preferably in a private location, such as their house (not yours, unless you live together; let them be there!).
It will be simpler for your spouse if you get up and go as the chat is finished because they won’t have to journey home while feeling such strong emotions.
To avoid sobbing in front of large groups of people if they become angry, at least choose a location that is not extremely busy. If the weather is nice, a park is always an excellent idea.
7. Be honest but don’t give too much detail.
Most individuals are curious as to why they are being abandoned. While it may seem like an honest response to say, “You’re lousy in bed,” or “You lack ambition,” it doesn’t actually maintain your partner’s dignity.
Better methods to convey your thoughts include reflexive phrases like “I don’t feel we’re sexually compatible” or “I don’t think our long-term objectives coincide anymore.”
You may be compassionate while expressing your desires in a plain and concise manner. Keep in mind that the person on the other end of your mobile phone is a real human being with feelings, not simply a machine.
8. Skip clichés like “it’s not you, it’s me.”
Trite justifications, such “It’s not you, it’s me,” are a big no-no during the breakup conversation.
Someone’s sense of closure is taken away when you are vague regarding the reason why something is taking place. They’re left to speculate as to what went wrong. Additionally, people blame themselves more when given a hazy explanation.
Be firm and definite in your reasons for ending the relationship.
Don’t be ambiguous. Respect your relationship by providing closure.
9. Don’t turn it into the blame game.
Be prepared for the difficult nature of the breakup talk. You may openly express how challenging and terrifying it is. The fact that you’re breaking up with someone doesn’t preclude the two of you from experiencing grief together.
Don’t concentrate on what you believe they did incorrectly. Make the argument about yourself instead.
Accept accountability for your choice.
Instead of placing the blame on your partner or the situation, admit that it is what you desire.
10. Be positive about your time together.
Try to convey to your lover that you will cherish the time you have spent together while always being honest. If they don’t think you regret the entire relationship, it will be easier on them.
Tell them you hope they find someone with whom they can be really happy and that you wish them well.
These straightforward comments can encourage your spouse to see the split as a positive development and the partnership as a valuable stop along their path.
11. Don’t ask for a break.
How many couples do you know who have taken a “break” during difficult times, then reconciled and remained so? In your words,
People who want to end their relationship but lack the courage to do so right away frequently utilize a break as an intermediate solution.
This is a rather egotistical action, despite the fact that it might not initially appear to be. If you truly believe it is over, it is time to finish it. Do not prolong it.
12. And don’t ask for ‘time’ either.
Another tactic utilized by individuals who lack the guts to just go for it. It’s rude to tell your lover you’re not sure about the relationship and then request some time to reconsider.
When they may be beginning the process of moving on, they’re more likely to spend that time dwelling on it and feeling sad in general.
13. Don’t try to make the other person feel better.
After the relationship has ended, you cannot remain a member of your ex’s network of friends.
When a relationship ends, you are no longer responsible for the other person’s feelings. Furthermore, you are no longer required to support them in coping, and giving them comfort is likely to make their situation worse.
Additionally, it could backfire by making them more resentful of you for being so kind (while dumping them).
14. Prepare to listen.
Despite the fact that you will be the one initiating the discussion, you should be ready to listen as well. What you hear might not be to your taste. Your spouse may respond in a variety of ways, but they all have the need to be heard, if not to have the last say.
Think about your partner’s needs at that time, be ready to meet them, and take appropriate action.
Allow the other person to speak without interrupting them.
Take your partner’s side. As honestly as you can, respond to any questions.
15. Agree on contact rules and boundaries.
You might wish to end this connection, move on, and sever all ties with them. Your decision, although they might not concur. Let them know as diplomatically as you can if you don’t think it’s healthy for them to stay in touch.
When you initially split up, staying out of one other’s lives is frequently the best course of action to give each party time to digest the breakup and begin moving on.
If you’re alright with them contacting you, you should be explicit about your boundaries. You might decide on a deadline by which all contact would end. After a particular hour at night, ignore all text messages. You can suggest that you’ll stop answering if they try to persuade you to change your views.
16. Steer clear of false promises.
Therefore, it is over. A clean breakup talk, however, is not necessarily indicative of the absence of remorse and unresolved animosities.
We have a propensity to want to leave a good impression and make sure the other person feels satisfied in some way. Make sure you don’t say anything after the chat that you don’t mean, such as “staying friends.” Whatever you decide, stick with it and be sure to give that individual some space so that you can let things cool off.
But don’t be cautious around the other person if you talk to them after the split. That may be really offensive. Simply introduce yourself, enquire about their life, share yours, and most crucially, act in a way that reflects your perception of this person as a strong, resourceful someone who, although not the best fit for you, may be the ideal fit for someone else.
17. Recognize that it’s never easy.
Recognize that there is no painless way to end a relationship. We all desire the ability to exit relationships amicably and without suffering.
Nevertheless, formally terminating the relationship will hurt both parties, regardless of how badly it is broken. You may be ready for the effects once you accept that there will be suffering.
18. Don’t have breakup sex.
Having sex with your boyfriend (now ex-partner) right after the split is not a good idea. Perhaps this one doesn’t need to be emphasized.
You might wish to experience that closeness with them one final time. You could do it out of sympathy for them or as a means of lifting their spirits and softening the shock.
But resist doing it.
Since you two have broken up, there isn’t really a strong reason to.
It will just cause confusion for them. They could get false hope from it. Or they could believe that they can compel you to have sex at a later time as well. Or that you’re open to having a no-strings-attached relationship.
19. Invest in yourself.
Investing in reclaiming your unique identity is the world’s greatest and most crucial post-breakup advise.
Find your old hobbies again. double-down on your task. Start the new undertaking you’ve been postponing for weeks.
Spend time with your pals, above anything else. Your friends will not only comfort you and improve your mood right away, but they will also assist you in reaffirming your sense of self. The best remedy for heartbreak is friendship.