Let me define negging for you in case you don’t know what it is.
A guy approaches a girl who is obviously out of his league and makes an attempt to lower her sense of self-worth by making a few low-key, subtle insults that aren’t mean enough to stop her from speaking to him, but have an impact on her just enough that she actually wants to continue the conversation in order to prove herself worthy.
(I’m aware, right? What will these creative minds conjure up next?
Negging is a real thing now, usually done by douchey males, so it must have been some man who said that his friend’s roommate’s elder brother’s cousin tried this strategy and it worked like a charm (of course).
But the most important query is: Does it work?
I persuaded my buddy Andrea—okay, she volunteered—to go on a pub crawl with me where we chose the best-looking, cockiest males we could find and gently insulted them to see how they would react in order to test if negging works when gender roles are reversed. Here’s what happened:
Negging Experiment #1: The Dodgeball Team
Andrea had already identified our first three victims when I arrived late to meet her at the first pub. She texted me, “This one man is really cocky,” so as soon as I walked in, I immediately set my sights on him.
We exchanged names, and as I shook hands with the far overconfident Steve*, I made eye contact, grinned like a young kitten, and exclaimed, “Awww, you remind me of my little brother!” Andrea confirmed what I said. When I asked him how old he was, he recoiled a little in his chair and added three years to his age, which his friends called him out on.
Age was referred to as “just a number, baby” at this point, and despite the fact that it was obvious from Steve’s body language (and the lying about his age) that the neg had slightly diminished his earlier too confident demeanor, he persisted. He actually stepped up his game.
We both tried to come up with additional negs to utilize, so Andrea and I headed to the bar to have drinks and meet again. I took off since the three males were all dressed in what seemed to be workout clothes.
“So … Have you guys played dodgeball recently or something? I prompted them.
That one truly made them all laugh, and they went on to say that they are coworkers and college coaches.
I explained to Steve, “Oh, so these folks have to hang around with you.
Then, Steve said, “You only need a few wonderful friends in your life, and I have three of them.”
I don’t know if males ever get to the point where they simply feel like too much of a jerk to keep on berating women, but at this point I didn’t want to call Steve out on the fact that he only had three pals.
So we bid each other farewell. Neither of our phone numbers were requested by Steve. And neither did his friends.
Negging Experiment #2: The Interns
When we entered the following pub, we noticed five very well-dressed guys who appeared to have just left a significant board meeting. We placed a round of beverage orders while observing them.
Did you recently finish your internship, I asked? One of them, Andrea asked.
Her target, Sam*, was more than glad to clarify that he really works at his father’s real estate firm (thankyouverymuch), and he then immediately bought us a round of shots as the rest of the group laughed.
I became aware that Andrea and I were having a difficulty while we made introductions. And that we had been mishandling the entire negging process.
The goal of negging is to score with someone who is out of your league and highly attractive but with whom you otherwise wouldn’t have had a chance. Even though Steve was attractive, I wasn’t particularly attracted to him, so being somewhat nasty to him wasn’t that difficult. But when I met Jim*, who was truly lovely and around 110 percent my type, I understood how difficult and scary it is to disrespect someone you’re attracted to.
Even so, I gave it my best effort and opened with the time-tested “little brother” gambit. Fortunately, I didn’t have to respond when he questioned me about what that was intended to signify as another round of bullets started to fly.
Before Andrea walked over and jolted me back into action, I momentarily went rogue and pretended to be a decent person for a few minutes while talking to Jim.
This is incredibly preppy, she said, touching the collar of his shirt. It doesn’t really excite me.
Jim informed her, “Uh, well, it’s not for everybody.
Jim then left to answer a call, and Andrea updated me on her negotiations with Sam. After she kept criticizing his real estate job at his father’s business (“You simply sell houses? In essence, your dad handles all the labor. Sam never stopped complimenting her or shooting her more times.
He was like the tiny yet mighty engine.
Sam wouldn’t allow us to take a break to come up with a fresh strategy. He repeatedly signaled Andrea to return before ultimately approaching our table.
He then pleaded for her phone number.
Literally. In other words, “Please, I must have your number, I must have it.”
When Jim’s girlfriend arrived, I experienced complete heartbreak.
The Conclusion
To be fair, this evening might have gone quite differently if Andrea and I had greeted each group with a grin and a hello rather than a no.
After every negative comment, Steve obviously made an effort to maintain his air of assurance. But because he was actually much younger than us, the neg I started with was too powerful, and despite his best attempts, he never fully recovered. Negging may have led to him asking for our numbers or at least asking us to remain a bit longer if I hadn’t touched that nerve immediately away.
On the other hand, Sam ended up following Andrea around like a dog for the rest of the night after the negatives she threw at him, which I’m willing to bet wouldn’t have occurred had she simply said “Hi” and had a regular discussion with him.
Does negging “work” on males,” then?
Yes, utilizing a neg as an opener will make the attractive guy at the bar want to show himself if your ultimate objective is to get him interested in you. But the more important thing to ask yourself is probably, “Perform I really want to be with a person who I had to do a whole confidence takedown on in order for him to be interested in me?”
I most definitely don’t.