He won’t let me leave. When women seek my guidance, I frequently hear this from them. They find solace in the idea that the man must love them since he won’t end things amicably while debating whether they should be together or whether it is time to part ways.
What’s actually going on a lot of the time is that you’re just too damn convenient. This man cannot afford to lose you because you are too valuable to him. Everyday, we all witness women who essentially act as moms to the guys they are with. They carry out all of it, with added physical advantages. They handle everything, shoulder the cost, and let the man get away with much too much. He is capable of mistreating her and cheating. He is capable of breaking her spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. But because he keeps saying that he wants to be with you when you’re ready to go, you start to believe that he must love you because he won’t let you go.
He would not have done half of what I just described if he truly loved you. He wouldn’t hold off on up his game until you were about to depart (he will step it up long enough to reel you back in but then it is back to the same old negative behavior). If he truly cared for you, bringing you worry, sadness, and suffering on a regular basis would make his heart ache. A guy who truly loves his wife will not be able to stand by while she suffers. Although other circumstances are not as harsh, the general idea is the same. Because you are his source of income, he keeps you around and stands up for you. Why then would he do that?
A woman needs to be honest with herself and realize that love has nothing to do with it. She shouldn’t keep believing a lie to herself because she fears ending herself alone and in a disastrous relationship. In the end, neither I nor anybody else is aware of all the details surrounding your circumstance. So, our perspectives are somewhat constrained. Because women typically have the solution deep down, you must have greater faith in your intuition as a woman.
Here are six things you should know about leaving this kind of relationship if you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why won’t he let me leave if he doesn’t want me?”
1. Understand that the two of you run on different operating systems.
You want to feel connected, intimate, loyal, and long-lasting. When you’re fleeing, he wants those items. He either flees or sabotages the relationship by criticizing, moping, being unreliable, and/or cheating when you become close and offer them. He does not respond well to anything you do.
2. Slow things down.
Do not forget that “Trust is earned, not given.” Go slowly if you want to give your partner another opportunity because he claims to have changed and now wants what you want. Yes, makeup sex may be as explosive as the Beijing Olympics pyrotechnics, but it doesn’t mean anything has changed.
3. Don’t think you’re in a movie.
After splitting with Debra Winger, Richard Gere realized what was going on. He hurried to her factory to snare her away for a future as loving, seductive, and chubby as a cat on a hot tin roof with him. It is a captivating fantasy similar to Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. However, the truth is that Debra Winger probably just kept his hat.
4. Believe what he does, not what he says.
Your boyfriend could say anything to win you back if he crawls back with tears in his eyes and a shattered heart. He probably genuinely does mean it, which is the tough part. But as soon as he has you back, he feels choked and smothered once more.
5. Don’t find excuses for his bad behavior, and don’t blame yourself.
The majority of us who are drawn to commitment-phobic asshats tend to be overly empathic and have a propensity to place responsibility in the wrong place.
This is a holdover from your youth. Young children believe they are to blame for all of their experiences, whether positive and negative. Because the brain stem is still developing at that age, it cannot comprehend the idea that the infant is not the center of the universe.
Because of this, if we had turbulent upbringings—parents who struggled with addictions of any kind—we frequently carry this perception of being the root of the issue into adulthood, making us open to chaos, addicts, narcissists, commitment-phobes, and other undesirable people.
Look at your guy’s history. A trail of broken hearts did he leave behind? Then you’re probably not to blame for his commitment-phobic actions.
6. Take care of yourself.
We have a tendency to jump in and try to heal things when a toxic ex returns hurt and suffering from missing the relationship he blew apart. Keep an eye out for those moments when you second-guess that inclination.