Not always the simplest course of action is to say no. We are (often) expected to put our own needs aside in order to aid others, sometimes even at the sacrifice of our own wellbeing.
They are requesting something from you. And you believe that people will despise you if you say no. So, despite your desire not to, you find yourself inclined to say yes. Aware of it? Everybody has.
Many of us find it difficult to say no. However, if you choose to accept, you’ll feel disappointed in yourself. Although you might have simply answered “no,” you’ll likely feel resentful and furious with them instead.
According to study, this not only perpetuates a loop of depressing emotions, but it also seriously harms your relationships. Yes, there is such a thing as being “too polite.”
When the work seems doable, when it is under your purview to complete it, or even when you owe a favor to a buddy, you should respond “yes.” But if you find yourself always saying “yes” out of a fear of saying “no,” it’s time to take control of your life without feeling bad about it.
Why Is It So Hard to Say No?
Our bodies and minds are quite good at protecting us, you see. No is difficult to hear and challenging to utter.
In the field of psychology, this type of thinking is known as negative bias. This explains why humiliating incidents, unpleasant encounters, or cruel remarks are magnified and last for such a long time.
As a result, we anticipate hurting people when we have to say no to them. And since most of us desire to be popular with our colleagues, we experience a queasy unease that leads us to say yes rather than say no.
Oh, and shame.
The uncomfortable unsettling sensation frequently comes with guilt.
How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty
This will walk you through the process of altering your perspective on saying no so that you may do it with comfort and confidence. You’ll discover some specific instructions and examples of what to say and do so that you may decline an offer politely.
1. Remember: You Can’t Please Everyone
Recognize that you cannot please everyone in your life and that a line needs to be drawn somewhere. Saying “no” may make you feel as though you would let someone down and lose his respect, yet you can discover that the contrary is actually true. Someone is more likely to take advantage of you and ask for too many favors if they believe you’ll say “yes” to everything.
It’s feasible to satisfy the people you care about most of the time, but it’s impossible to please everyone all the time and stay sane.
2. Notice the No’s
Your memories are like neon signs when you say no and someone gets upset. However, the reality is that people often refuse requests without experiencing any negative effects. Frogs don’t fall from the sky or the sea turn to blood. Simply shrugging, the requester replies, “Okay.”
But you quickly forget about such things and focus instead on the 0.02% of interactions in which the other person lost their cool, stormed off, and refused to communicate with you again.
Therefore, pay closer attention to how you and others interact. Consider all the occasions when saying “no” doesn’t result in any issues and work to adopt a more practical viewpoint.
Gain some perspective by seeing how frequently those around you turn down one another on a daily basis. If you actually pay attention, you’ll see that it occurs frequently and is typically of minimal significance. When it’s your turn to refuse in similar circumstances and when someone is doing so to you, keep that in mind.
3. Buy Time
If you’re under pressure to say yes, release the pressure instead of saying yes. Request time. This will give you time to collect your thoughts and decide if you actually want to agree or not.
You need to wait before responding “yes” to requests from others in order to thoroughly consider your alternatives in order to break your habit of doing so. It’s smart psychological advise to pause before speaking or, in this case, agreeing. Your sensation of control will quickly improve if you learn to put some distance between an invitation, demand, or request and your response.
This is to give you some breathing room. You’ll have time to collect your ideas, consider the reasons why you want to say no, and formulate a confident response. Don’t allow someone to pressurize you into responding right away. Have a ready retort on hand that will buy you some time.
Your response may be something like this:
- I need to check my calendar; I’ll get back to you.
- Let me check with my husband/wife/partner to see if we’re free that day.
- I’ve got to think about that; I’ll let you know.
- I’ll have to call you back in a few minutes.
Avoid turning them into queries. They are assertions. Additionally, use a kind yet firm tone. And don’t inquire as to your capacity for thought. Inform them that you will need some time for that instead.
4. Have a ‘Policy’
No, there is no connection to insurance here. Returning to the subject of limits. It’s simpler to make judgments and others are more inclined to appreciate your replies when you live by defined values.
Additionally, if it’s obvious that you constantly adhere to this “rule,” there is less likelihood that someone would feel personally rejected.
Let’s say a buddy requests you to extend a loan that you don’t want to do. Saying “Sorry, I have a policy about not giving money” will make your denial appear less petty. It communicates to the other person that your family ritual is set in stone when you decline an invitation by stating, “Sorry, I can’t attend; it’s our policy to eat supper together as a family every Friday night.”
However, every rule has an exception. People that are persistent will try to locate them by badgering you with just how unique, distinctive, and glittery their request is.
5. Just say “No.”
No matter how uncomfortable it may seem, you must be succinct in your response. It is unfair to the other party to be vague or to avoid a topic. They require a prompt response in order to make the necessary arrangements, and they may interpret your ambiguous response as a “yes,” at which point you commit.
Give them an honest and succinct reason if you can’t take on a job or make it to an event. This shouldn’t be an issue if you’ve set clear guidelines and rules. You may say, “Sorry, I’m unable to attend your celebration. Family gaming nights take place on Fridays.
6. Make a Counteroffer
Even if you turn down someone’s request, you may still be able to assist them. You might direct them to a colleague or another company if they have asked for a job. Tell them you are booked this week but available the next week if they inquire if you are available for a new assignment.
You continue to give assistance, but only under your conditions. One advantage of providing further recommendations or assistance is that you don’t feel bad for declining. Win-win situation.
7. Be Prepared for the Reactions of Others
Being honest, not everyone will be as appreciative of your capacity to refuse as we are. Some individuals will observe you and exclaim, “Good for you! Do what you need to do, and I’ll always be there for you. Some people, not so much.
Some people can believe they have a right to your time, space, energy, and attention. They could believe that you owe them anything for which your boundaries don’t apply. When you tell these folks no, they will likely become irate. You must, unfortunately, psychologically get ready for it.
The word “no” is like a powerful weapon you may use to defend yourself. Prepare to draw a line in the sand when you notice someone approaching you with “a favor to ask.” Because, even if telling them no could make them momentarily dissatisfied or angry, it will create a firm barrier for the future. So, the next time your limits are questioned or pushed, resist the urge to back down and use that sparkling [s]word.
8. Know Your Value
One of the biggest reasons we say “yes” too frequently is because we undervalue our worth. We thrive on other people’s approbation. If we decline, people could believe that we’re unreliable or incompetent at time management. Of course, we don’t want that kind of reputation, especially when your company is just getting off the ground.
On the other hand, if you consistently respond “yes,” others could use that. Because they know you won’t say “no,” many people routinely give you new duties or ask “just a minute” of your time.
You don’t always have to put the needs of others before your own, even though you want to be dependable. Knowing how much your time is worth and giving your viewpoint more weight than other peoples’ is the best course of action.
9. Be More Selfish
With the term “selfish,” negative connotations have been attached. But keep in mind that the issue frequently stems from really skilled manipulators, and you don’t need any of it. Being a little more selfish, though, could be a positive thing as it can help lower tension and anxiety.
Consider this. Going to happy hour with your buddies means skipping the gym. You assist another person with a project before finishing your own. Alternatively, you can miss a doctor’s appointment to meet with a possible customer. Your physical and mental health deteriorate with time.
You should start saying “no” more frequently if only because you need time to care for yourself. How can you possibly assist anyone else if you’re a total mess? Self-care is powerful and beneficial for one’s physical and mental wellbeing.
10. Use the ‘Broken Record’ Technique
If you are honest about why you can’t assist them or meet with them, the majority of people will go on. Sadly, some people have trouble accepting rejection. They’ll try to dismantle you until you change your mind.
First, let them know that you’re powerless to assist. Repeating the first action is the second through seven hundredth action:
- Them: “Can you help me bury this body?”
- You: “Sorry, I can’t.”
- Them: “What if we bury it tomorrow? You available then?”
- You: “Sorry, I can’t.”
- Them: “I’ll let you use the fancy shovel…”
- You: “Sorry, I can’t.”
Because you just keep repeating your denial and don’t react to their fresh arguments or perspectives, this exercise teaches you tenacity and prevents others from negotiating.
Avoid becoming enraged or shouting. Repeat yourself quietly until the other person is completely worn out.
3 Steps To Say No Without Feeling Guilty
What can you say no to without feeling guilty, afraid, or worried that you’ll offend them? How to bring it all together and decline with grace and elegance is as follows:
Step 1: Say It Simply
Some individuals have a propensity to provide detailed justifications for their answers to yes/no questions (without actually giving you a yes or no). Most people who feel bad about saying no frequently act in the same way.
When expressing rejection, begin with “no” (or a phrase that expresses the same sentiment clearly, such as “I can’t”).
Avoid avoiding the subject.
And whatever you do, avoid giving a protracted justification for your actions.
You are not required to explain your logic.
They will smell blood, which only increases guilt and makes them more susceptible to pressure.
Step 2: Briefly Explain
You’re aware that the word “no” is a full sentence. It should be, but only if you want to be impolite (which will only make you feel guilty).
Give a succinct (1-2 sentences) explanation of why you’re unable to assist them while saying no with kindness.
This is about being nice and compassionate in how you express it, not about justifying your response.
Here’s how that may appear:
- I’m booked solid and don’t have the time.
- I just don’t have the bandwidth to assist right now.
- I have a firm rule never to do business with friends.
- I’ve already made a commitment at that period, and if I didn’t keep my word, I’d be breaking a promise.
Step 3: Stand Your Ground
It’s OK to seem repetitive if they keep asking despite your initial or repeated denials. Even shortening your sentences when speaking to them is acceptable. This is the time to utilize “no” in its entirety as a sentence.
Here are some strategies for saying “no” repeatedly without feeling compelled to defend yourself or come out as weak:
- I’ve already given you my answer.
- I’m sorry, but my answer isn’t changing.
- You can keep asking, but the answer won’t change.
Some Useful Examples of Saying No
No matter how many different methods you learn to say no, it might be intimidating to just start adding this word to your vocabulary. Start where it seems most comfortable and tiny. You’ll notice that when you start to exercise your boundary-muscle, selecting your time wisely gets simpler and easier over time.
Here are some instances of how you can decline an offer without feeling bad:
1. “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ve got too much going on right now.”
This strategy gives you the ability to express your gratitude first, followed by a frank and truthful refusal.
2. “Sounds like a great opportunity/party/happy hour! Unfortunately, I can’t make it.”
A tried-and-true method of declining.
3. “I really can’t give that 100% of my effort right now, so I’m going to have to decline.”
Making the decision for your wellbeing and sanity does not make you a terrible person. Being only partially present is also never enjoyable for everyone concerned.
4. “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t right now.”
Being thankful is more important than saying no to their gift. Right…?
5. “This project/opportunity deserves more attention than I can give at the moment. I’d love to chat about some ways we can make it work without my direct involvement!”
When you’re aware that you’re taking on too much to be fully active but still want to contribute to the project’s, event’s, or opportunity’s success, call on this number.
6. “Nope, it’s just not in the cards for me right now.”
Since I’m well aware of my schedule and understand that I don’t want to be overworked!
7. “I’m going to have to pass, but check with me next time!”
Using this phrase makes it apparent that you do want to be taken into consideration for any chances or invites in the future since you never know what the future may hold.
8. “It’s going to have to be a no from me, but thank you!”
Short, simple, and direct! It seems simple enough, no?
A Note on Guilt
Does anyone feel guilty? Nobody made you feel bad; you created it for yourself. The guilt won’t ring in your ears as loudly if you can see the wider picture, where your time and energy are being invested in a better cause.
Therefore, just say no the next time you want to! And if you’re feeling really burdened and under-excited because your calendar is packed with obligations that don’t serve you, I think you already know what to do.