What causes individuals to lie? Even those in fulfilling partnerships are capable of adultery.
According to conventional wisdom, there must be a problem with either the cheater or the relationship for someone to cheat on a partner with whom they have a committed relationship. Insecurity, neglect, routinely violated trust, or the need for a defensive mechanism are the typical causes of cheating. In certain instances, it could originate from a more biologically based, deeper location.
Cheating is probably the most awful thing you can do to some one in a relationship. If someone cheats, it is the end of the relationship, period.
Adrienne Borschuk
Learning that your spouse or significant other has gone outside of your relationship is a particularly unpleasant experience, as everyone who has ever been cheated on knows. You might never learn the real reason for the betrayal in the thick of the emotional discussions and battles that ensue. You might not even notice the warning symptoms. According to professionals, there are eight reasons why individuals lie.
1. ANGER OR REVENGE
Sometimes, people cheat to express their rage or seek retribution.
Perhaps you recently learned your boyfriend had an affair. You’re injured and in shock. To ensure that your spouse truly understands the suffering they caused you, you could wish to make them experience the same feelings.
In other words, the motivation behind retaliatory infidelity is frequently “They harmed me, so now I’ll hurt them.”
But there are more motivations for adultery beyond retaliation, such as:
- when a spouse doesn’t appear to understand you or your needs, it can be frustrating
- anger at a partner who isn’t around much
- hence resentment when a spouse isn’t giving much of themselves, either physically or emotionally
- and finally anger or frustration after an argument
Anger may be a strong drive to get close to someone else, regardless of the root cause.
2. FALLING OUT OF LOVE
In general, the thrilling sensation of being in love with someone doesn’t continue forever. When you initially fall in love with someone, receiving a text from them could cause you to feel passionate, ecstatic, and dopamine-rush.
But these emotions typically lose some of their vigor with time. Yes, there is solid, enduring love. However, those butterflies from the first date will only go you so far.
You may come to the conclusion that the love simply isn’t there once the glitter wears off. Or perhaps you come to the realization that you love someone else.
Keep in mind that falling out of love doesn’t have to mean you don’t love each other.
This may make it more difficult to exit a relationship that still makes you feel family-like, friendly, stable, and safe. The desire to feel romantic love again and the motivation for adultery, however, may result from continuing to be in a relationship without it.
3. SITUATIONAL FACTORS AND OPPORTUNITY
Even the possibility of cheating increases the likelihood of infidelity. This does not imply that everyone who has the chance to cheat will. The desire to cheat is frequently increased by other conditions, albeit not always.
Think about the following situation: You’re upset about the recent gap in your relationship and struggling with emotions of poor self-esteem related to your appearance. One day, a nice coworker approaches you while you’re alone and declares, “I’m incredibly drawn to you. Invite me over someday.
If there were just one or two things going on, you may not decide to cheat. However, the interaction of these driving forces — the separation from your partner, your self-consciousness, and the coworker’s interest — may increase the likelihood of adultery.
Potential scenarios
Even in a solid, satisfying relationship, some situational conditions, such as the following, might increase the likelihood of infidelity:
- drinking excessively and sharing a bed with another person after a night out
- wanting physical comfort after a distressing event
- residing in or working in a setting with a lot of physical contact and emotional interaction
4. COMMITMENT ISSUES
Among some circumstances, cheating may be more prevalent in those who struggle with commitment. Additionally, not everyone defines commitment in the same way.
Two persons in a relationship could have quite different perceptions of the state of their union, including whether it should be considered casual, exclusive, etc.
It’s also possible to have strong feelings for someone but still being afraid to commit to them. Even if they would want to continue in the relationship, one person may end up cheating in this scenario to avoid commitment.
Other causes of infidelity motivated by a commitment might be:
- lack of interest in committing long-term
- wanting a more casual relationship
- wanting a way out of a relationship
5. UNMET NEEDS
Intimacy demands of one or both partners in a relationship might occasionally go unsatisfied. Especially if the relationship is otherwise gratifying, many individuals decide to stay in it in the hopes that things will change.
Unmet needs, though, might cause frustration, which can get worse if things don’t get better. This may inspire you to find another way to meet those demands.
Unmet sexual urges may occur when:
- partners have different sex drives
- one partner is incapable of or unwilling to engage in sexual activity
- often, one or both couples travel away from home
Infidelity may also be caused by unmet emotional needs. Although it might be difficult to define, emotional infidelity often refers to a scenario in which one person invests a significant amount of emotional energy in someone other than their relationship.
You may start sharing with someone who is interested if your spouse doesn’t appear to be interested in what you think, feel, or have to say. This could result in a close bond that resembles a relationship.
6. SEXUAL DESIRE
Some people might be influenced to cheat by a mere desire for sex. Desire-driven infidelity may also be influenced by additional circumstances, such as opportunity or unfulfilled sexual demands.
However, a person who just wants to have sex may search for opportunities to do so.
Even those who are in satisfying sexual partnerships may nevertheless desire more extramarital sex. Although there may not necessarily be any sexual or interpersonal difficulties in the relationship, this might emerge from a high degree of sexual desire.
7. WANTING VARIETY
The need for diversity in a relationship frequently refers to having sex. Even if they are generally well-matched with their spouse, someone could be interested in attempting sorts of sex that their partner is not into.
Variety may also indicate:
- various chats or communication methods
- different non-sexual activities
- attraction to other people
- connections with others besides their present partner
Another important aspect of diversity is attraction. People can be attracted to a wide variety of people, and just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that it will automatically end. Some monogamous couples could find it difficult to resist their emotions of desire.
8. LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Infidelity may also be caused by the need for a boost in self-esteem.
Positive emotions may result from having sex with a new person. You may have feelings of power, attractiveness, confidence, or success. Your self-esteem might rise as a result of these emotions.
Many persons who cheat due to self-esteem difficulties have loving, encouraging spouses who provide them with empathy and support. They may, however, believe that they “had to say that” or “simply don’t want me to feel awful.”
On the other hand, getting admiration and acceptance from a new person might seem novel and thrilling. Someone with low self-esteem can feel that the new person has no “relational responsibility” to lie or exaggerate, making it appear more sincere.
Ultimately, understanding how to talk freely and honestly with each other about what you need in order to be content in your relationship is the greatest approach to prevent cheating in your relationship. Talk about your pasts and any hurts that may be buried deep. Discuss how you two can continue to make your relationship engaging. Consider how you may encourage one another and create a sense of love and desire for one another.