Why is your ex still your ex? But he or she also had a vital role in your life for a long time, so it makes sense that you would want to maintain some sort of connection with them. Many ex-couples, whether dating partners or spouses, attempt to be friends after a split, and some are successful in doing so.
The likelihood that your connection with your ex will wind up being a great experience rather than a trying struggle depends on some of your reasons, including some you might not be willing to fully accept.
However, there are both good and bad reasons to maintain your friendship with your ex. Make sure you’re not doing it for any of these reasons if you’ve ended a relationship but still want to keep it going. It might be detrimental to you both to maintain your friendship for the wrong reasons.
12 Worst Reasons for Staying Friends with Your Ex
It may be wise to stand back and think things over if you discover that you are maintaining your friendship with your ex for any of these reasons.
1. You feel sorry for them.
It’s likely that both of you will feel emotionally distraught just after a split. The last thing you probably want to do is upset your ex even more by rejecting their friendship, especially if you started the break-up and they are taking it particularly hard.
This is a bad justification to keep in touch with them, especially if your ex is involved. The best thing for them is distance from you if they’re still hurting from the split, even if they’re not aware of it. Don’t rekindle your friendship until you’ve dealt with your split.
2. You’re feeling jealous.
Another reason why people maintain friendships with ex-partners is because they experience ex-partner jealousy. They want to monitor them, find out who they are with, and maybe even stop them from moving on or pursuing other people. It might still hurt to consider your ex being happy with someone else, even if you know a relationship wasn’t meant to be.
Staying friends may offer you access to information about their dating life and perhaps give you some control over it, which is an alluring possibility. But if you have conflicting sentiments about your ex’s attempts to move on, becoming their confidant might not be in either of your best interests in the long term.
You can’t maintain your friendship with them for this reason. Before you make an effort to rekindle your friendship, get over your envy.
3. You miss them.
Nope. If you just keep in touch with your ex because you miss them, don’t. You’re not giving yourself the space you need to get over your feelings if you’re always thinking about them while still spending time with them.
4. You’re lonely.
It might feel like there is a void in your social life after a breakup, and it may take some time to fill that hole.
It can sound more enticing to invite your ex over for a movie and takeout on a Friday night when you’re feeling lonely than to put forth the effort to go out and meet new people. But it may also send you hurtling down the relationship rollercoaster of on-again, off-again.
It’s reasonable to miss the intimacy of a love connection, but it might not be worth it to put yourself in risk by hooking up with an ex. Instead of turning to your friends and family when you’re feeling lonely, find methods to make the most of your alone time.
5. You want them to change for you.
You may have split up with your ex because they were unfaithful or drank too much, but you’re still holding out hope that they would grow up and become the type of partner you desire. You’re attempting to maintain them in your life by being friends, and perhaps you can even assist them in making adjustments.
Your engagement in their personal life in that capacity ends once a relationship ends. If you asked them to change when you were dating and they refused, they most definitely won’t do so for you now. They will change from the inside out if they wish to make changes to something about themselves. Don’t wait impatiently for them to become the person you want. Pass on.
6. You want to keep them on the back burner.
This urge to keep your ex close by in case you can’t meet someone better is a more cynical variant of the previous item. This method is obviously unfair to your ex, but it can also hinder your progress.
Life events like breakups may be quite devastating. They should not be treated carelessly. Do not end a relationship with someone only to keep them close by in case you are unable to meet someone else. It doesn’t function like that. Don’t pull them along; either be with them or let them go.
7. They won’t take ‘no‘ for an answer.
Even if you don’t want to keep in touch, what if your ex does and won’t let you be alone? You have every right to decline a friendship, as was already mentioned.
Make sure you are open and honest with your ex about how you feel (and don’t be scared to call the police if they start acting inappropriately). While a little “stalking” on Facebook could be reasonably safe, real stalking is unsettling and wrong. It is also surprisingly typical.
These actions included making contact with an ex after being warned not to or unexpectedly visiting an ex’s home.
Be wary of these characteristics as they all indicated increased stalker behavior, including rage, jealously, obsessiveness, and craving for control.
8. You’re having ‘grass is greener’ syndrome.
If your current relationship isn’t completely fulfilling, you could feel more drawn to maintaining touch with your ex. Since you’re not constantly exposed to their annoying tendencies when you’re not with someone, it’s simple to romanticize them.
The problem with this style of thinking is that you’ll never be content wherever you are if the grass is always greener elsewhere. Instead of going to an ex for comfort or as an escape if you’re dissatisfied in your present relationship, it’s worthwhile to try to address those feelings with your spouse. When your relationship is already problematic, bringing up the ex will probably just make matters worse.
9. You have the same friends.
According to research, you are more likely to maintain your friendship with an ex if your friends and family encourage you to. But that does not obligate you to. Although keeping a connection with your ex for the sake of social peace is a desirable objective, it may become problematic if this is the only justification for doing so.
You have the right to spend time with your friends alone and to turn down invites to occasions where your ex will also be in attendance. Even though it is appropriate for you to occasionally run into your ex, this does not obligate you to become buddies.
Even though you have a lot of history together, it may be difficult to regard your ex as simply another acquaintance. Eventually, though, that past won’t matter as much.
10. They still love you.
The best thing you can do for your ex is to let them go if they still have feelings for you but you don’t share those feelings. Who doesn’t like being adored? However, although spending time with them could make you feel good about yourself, it might also cause grief and confusion for them, especially if it gives them false hope.
Your ex may not understand your intentions, even if you are clear that all you want is to be friends. People only perceive what they want to, and you can be sure that they will be on the lookout for any indication of reciprocated devotion. The best course of action in this circumstance is usually to limit communication and permit your ex to move on.
Do not encourage your ex-feelings partner’s of continued love for you if you believe they still exist. It will separate them. Give them time to get over you while doing the right thing for them.
11. You still love them.
Being secretly in love with your ex and wanting to win them back might be a compelling reason to maintain your friendship with them, but it’s also regrettably one of the riskiest ones.
There is probably not much you can do to convince your ex to want to be with you. Trying in vain can only result in recurring grief and a negative self-image. Spend time with friends that genuinely care about you. Most likely, this ex is not one of them.
12. You aren’t sure of your decision.
The last of our three points ties into the sixth. If you’re unsure about your choice, you need to make up your mind right away. Breakups don’t just happen, thus they shouldn’t be handled carelessly. Do the proper thing for them and leave if you can’t figure it out.