A narcissistic parent feels threatened if their child shows any sign of independence and is excessively protective of them.
Children with narcissistic parents typically endure humiliation and embarrassment and develop low self-esteem as a result. These kids frequently grow up to be great achievers, self-destructive people, or both.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has an exaggerated feeling of their own importance, a strong desire for adulation, and little empathy for other people. However, this extreme confidence veneer conceals a weak self-esteem that is easily damaged by the smallest criticism.
Despite the fact that not all parents suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, it is usual for narcissistic parents to exhibit narcissistic traits, which may be just as harmful while raising a kid.
What my mother displays in public and how she really is are very different.”
― Anonymous
8 Narcissistic Parent Signs
How can you tell if your parent is narcissistic? The eight warning indicators are listed below.
1. They Heavily Criticize You
Any chance they get, a parent with NPD will criticize you. They claim that you must have all As if your report card has just Bs. If you get all As, they’ll concentrate on something else you do that’s “inadequate,” like reading instead of cleaning.
That is to say, no matter how much good you accomplish, there will always be something that makes you appear inadequate in their eyes.
NPD sufferers have so low self-esteem that they constantly need to criticize others in order to feel better about themselves. Alternately, they may try to cover up their own shortcomings by projecting them onto you.
Unfortunately, because they are the person’s closest associates, family members are responsible for this conduct.
2. They Constantly Blame You
A narcissistic parent nearly usually places the blame elsewhere rather than accepting any accountability for their actions. Instead of just admitting that inconveniences occur and that it is their responsibility as the parent to fix the problem, they will accuse you of being to blame if something breaks around the house.
Deep down, narcissists have so poor self-esteem that they overcompensate by acting as though they are always at fault. They also dislike having financial commitments to anything or anybody other than themselves since they are so self-centered.
3. They Express Anger Outwardly and Often
An NPD parent frequently screams at their children and other family members. They are attempting to gain respect and exercise control by doing this. Additionally, they are easily agitated; for example, spilt food may cause them to exclaim that you are careless and should exercise more caution.
Those narcissistic parents have a very, very high opinion of themselves and think they are flawless. As a result, they regularly shout in order to criticize and demand the control they feel they are entitled to.
4. They Neglect Your Needs
Oftentimes, a narcissistic parent is unaware of your requirements. They frequently avoid responsibilities, such as failing to provide you with all the necessary school materials or failing to take you shopping for clothes even though you are wearing worn-out or old clothing, since they don’t give you enough attention and are unable to genuinely love you.
Narcissists are so self-centered that they are unable to see anybody else’s needs other than their own. Their poor self-esteem is frequently caused by either having narcissistic parents of their own or by experiencing great adversity as children, such as acute poverty or physical abuse.
Their lack of empathy and singular emphasis on their own needs—needs that weren’t addressed throughout their childhood—are the results of such events.
5. They Demand Your Respect
A narcissistic parent expects your respect and may exhibit an authoritarian parenting style as a result. They won’t make an effort to comprehend your viewpoint or have your best interests in mind. Instead, they impose unreasonably rigid standards and think that since you are their kid, you should respect them.
Someone with NPD, especially someone with severe NPD, is unable to love and is unable to maintain good connections, therefore they are unable to respect you via authoritative parenting.
If someone has severely poor self-esteem, they may unconsciously overcompensate by demanding respect from others because they believe this is the only way they can succeed.
6. They Manipulate and Control You
A narcissistic parent enjoys having a lot of control and power. They do this by employing guilt trips because they are unable to accept responsibility or communicate in a healthy way. Instead than merely doing it because their child needs it, they could add, “If I hadn’t paid all that money for braces, you wouldn’t have straight teeth.”
When someone has NPD, they are so materialistic that they dislike having to spend money on anyone else themselves, even if it is relatives. They desire power and control over others since they experienced a lack of control as children. In order to keep you feeling reliant on them, they frequently remind you that they invested a lot of money in you.
7. They Reject Who You Are
A narcissistic parent enjoys having a lot of control and power. They do this by employing guilt trips because they are unable to accept responsibility or communicate in a healthy way. Instead than merely doing it because their child needs it, they could add, “If I hadn’t paid all that money for braces, you wouldn’t have straight teeth.”
When someone has NPD, they are so materialistic that they dislike having to spend money on anyone else themselves, even if it is relatives. They desire power and control over others since they experienced a lack of control as children. In order to keep you feeling reliant on them, they frequently remind you that they invested a lot of money in you.
“You have opportunities I’ve never had…After you become a doctor you can do as you please. Until then you do as I say!”
— Father to son
8. They Become Artificially Dependent
Some narcissistic parents anticipate being cared for indefinitely by their offspring. This kind of dependence may be financial, physical, or emotional.
While taking care of elderly parents is not necessarily bad and is a commendable quality, a narcissistic parent will often persuade their children into making irrational sacrifices with little regard for the child’s own goals and needs.
“My mom (a single parent in her late 30s) expects me to support her financially on an ongoing basis. She says that she can’t live without me.”
― Anonymous college student
11 Ways to Deal With a Narcissistic Parent
You will get into a fight if you confront a narcissistic parent directly. When a narcissistic parent’s undesirable or unpleasant conduct is brought to their attention, it throws their idealized world for a loop and leaves them feeling vulnerable and ashamed. But keep in mind that while dealing with a narcissist, your feelings and perspective are as significant.
The following are 11 suggestions for coping with a narcissistic parent:
1. Realize What is Happening
Never try to compete with a narcissist. You will pay a high price if you do not submit to a narcissistic parent’s demands since they thrive on having control over their children. Being able to meet their needs is more important than having a healthy family unit. They will only twist the situation in their advantage if you try to reach a compromise. You must understand that this is not typical conduct.
2. Accept & Let Go
Unless the narcissist genuinely wants to change, it is extremely hard to attempt to alter them. Embracing their uniqueness will help you feel less anxious. Keep in mind that the hurtful things others say and do to you are essentially reflections of how they feel about themselves. These are individuals who are really wounded.
3. Resist Gaslighting Attempts
A narcissistic parent often makes their child seem insane or deluded, which is unfortunate. In the midst of a hurricane, a narcissistic parent will insist that the weather is pleasant. The key to your survival is ignoring these attempts and improving your self-worth and confidence.
4. Be Compassionate
The narcissistic parent does care about you, despite the fact that they may not always act like it. A profoundly sensitive person hiding behind that gruff exterior needs your attention and compassion.
5. Prioritize Self-Compassion
It’s time to show oneself compassion after having a challenging upbringing marked possibly by a lack of it. Congratulate yourself for surviving the harsh parent-child connection. Learn to calm yourself, and show yourself all the empathy your parents were unable to.
The process of getting over such a childhood is not simple. It’ll take some time. So, practice patience and self-forgiveness. It’s acceptable to prioritize your needs. It is OK to give yourself some alone time. If you don’t feel like helping others, that’s acceptable too. Saying no without providing a reason is acceptable.
6. Assert Your Boundaries
A narcissistic parent frequently pushes your boundaries only to show you that they can. They could trespass on your property without your permission, flout house rules to enrage you, or show favoritism to your kids. You must establish clear boundaries and implement penalties when they are crossed.
Although it could seem like you are correcting a youngster, be strong and explain your position. If they continue to break the rules, you might even need to give them a timeout by asking them to leave.
7. Lean on Other Support Systems
Narcissistic parents’ offspring may frequently struggle to affirm their own offspring. The trick is to look for other people’s assistance. Utilize friends, coworkers, social groups, and other people to build your own social network. Joining a support group with other people who had narcissistic parents may also be beneficial.
8. Develop Confidence & Self-Worth
Despite the insults from a narcissistic parent, it’s critical to acknowledge your value as a person. Finding activities that advance your knowledge and skills can help you feel more confident.
9. Be Transparent With Your Plans
You could feel pressured to act subtly or cunningly around your narcissistic parent, but try to resist the temptation. It could be preferable if you describe your goals and aspirations in a clear, succinct manner.
Share your plan of action with them and let them know that you are aware of their unpleasant or dangerous habits. By doing this, you will prevent them from acting shocked by your responses and lower your chance of later experiencing regret or guilt over your choices.
10. Predict Their Next Moves
Although narcissists are complex and difficult to understand, occasionally their actions are predictable and expected. Making predictions about your narcissistic parent’s next move can help you prepare for it and decide how you want to respond.
Being ready for their next move has certain advantages, even if you are incorrect. It’s doubtful that their narcissistic tendencies would just disappear, therefore exercising caution can help prevent more harm.
11. Walk Away
There is a lot of social pressure to keep up familial ties, yet these ties may have more negative effects than positive ones. Consider the possibility of ending the relationship either temporarily or permanently for a while. It can be the only practical choice in some situations.