There are certainly times when it’s appropriate to decline an invitation to serve as someone’s best man, and we’ve got a list of appropriate justifications for you to choose from.
It might be embarrassing and uncomfortable to try to avoid taking on the role of best man. Since the groom is probably a friend of yours, you get the honor of serving as his best man during one of the most important events in his life. Step back and consider whether the groom might have requested you to perform this honor in an effort to repair your friendship if you don’t get along with him the greatest for one reason or another.
If maintaining a friendship or avoiding awkward situations doesn’t appeal to you and you’re determined to leave the party early, that is entirely within your right to do. Because of how formal, pricey, and stressful weddings are.
Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Even Attend the Wedding
You might wish to forgo the wedding entirely for reasons other than the fact that you’re not the best man. There are several compelling reasons why you shouldn’t participate in the wedding, among them:
1. The bride and you don’t get along.
This is a compelling argument for you to skip the wedding festivities. You probably shouldn’t be helping the couple celebrate their happiness if you can’t endorse the relationship, especially not in the role of best man.
2. You and the bride get along too well.
Do you have a secret crush on the bride-to-be? Do you share a love history or have you ever slept together? You should probably decline the best man role at this wedding for one of the best reasons imaginable. Who wants to take the chance of repeating their declaration of love for the bride when the minister says: “If anyone finds a reason for the bride and groom not to be wed…”
3. His pals don’t get along with you.
Do you get along with the rest of his groomsmen? Due to the fact that you’ll be spending a lot of time with the groom and his pals, there is another good reason to decline. If you don’t get along with your immediate group of friends, it could hinder your best man activities.
4. You’re not really that close.
Simply put, it has happened previously where you don’t really know the individual all that well. He might not know many people in your region because he recently relocated there. You haven’t even met his fiancée, so it became really awkward when you suddenly found yourself expected to act like his “bestie” during his wedding.
5. There was a conflict between you.
You two may not get along because you had a falling out, a fight, or he could be a relative or your sibling. Even if all of these reasons are valid ones to decline the role of groomsman, consider how you would feel if something unfortunate happened to him. For example, imagine that a mutual friend phones to inform you that he was involved in an accident or passed away. Your disagreements may suddenly seem less significant.
Polite Ways to Decline Being the Best Man Role
If you’ve made up your mind that you still don’t want to be a groomsman, it might be time to start coming up with reasons. Never undervalue the ability to use your family or your job as a great method to get out of something.
1. You have a family to care for.
Let’s assume you have welcomed a new member into the family, or perhaps you have ailing family members who will require your assistance particularly that month. A real bummer, no?
2. You’re under time pressure.
Perhaps you are worried about your own event or a deadline at work that coincides with the wedding. Clearly state why you were unable to devote the groom the time and attention he needs for his wedding.
3. You’ll be away from home.
You should not be the best man if you will be traveling for business or an anniversary while away from home. Insist that your tickets are non-refundable because these plans have been in the works for a time. Make sure to send a thoughtful gift and avoid eye contact while on your fictitious trip.
4. You cannot afford it.
A wedding is not inexpensive to be in. As his “best man,” you’ve been given the “honor” of spending money on the groom’s bachelor party, new suit, tie, gift, and other wedding-related expenses. Just be humble and tell your groom that you just cannot afford to be a part of his wedding party. Inform him that, despite your appreciation for the offer, you were unable to adequately fund his special day.
5. Your anxieties won’t let you.
Explain to the groom that you are uncomfortable speaking in front of groups of people and apologize for your nerves being so frazzled by the whole public spectacle.
You Can Serve as a Groomsman Instead
It’s possible that you dislike the idea of becoming the “best” man. As was indicated at the outset, it’s possible that you simply don’t know the man very well. It’s also possible that he chose you over his brother or another best friend, which has caused some friction with his family. Offer to be a groomsman instead of the best man if at all possible.
What you need to do is inform him right away. Timing is the last point to consider. You don’t want to give the groom no answer at all. The sooner you go, the sooner he can replace you and you can continue acting as if the awkward situation never occurred. Offer to assist in other ways if at all possible. Even if you don’t mean it, it will sound as like you care about what happened and feel at least a little bit bad about dumping him.
There is ultimately no simple way to turn down an offer with such strong emotional undertones, but you’ll find that most guys are understanding, especially if you give them enough notice and have a good reason for refusing the title of best man.