Parenting responsibilities for a single mom are the same as those for a married mom, with the exception that you’re on your own. The most crucial thing is to make the greatest life you can for both you and your children, regardless of how or why you might find yourself taking on the position of a single mother.
Some lone parents make it seem simple. They appear to move through life without any difficulties or concerns. You see them and wonder what the hell you’re doing wrong when you’re not that parent. When they appear to be walking on water, why do you feel like you’re drowning?
You may do a few small things that will transform you from a struggling single parent to one who is thriving and seems to have it all together.
Tips on How to Thrive as a Single Mother
Don’t let the idea that you have to do everything fool single mothers who are overwhelmed by their everyday obligations and struggle to keep afloat. If you utilize all of the resources at your disposal and modify your priorities in light of your circumstances, it is possible to thrive and survive as a single mother.
1. Your kids need you, but not all that stuff.
There are many causes for lone parents to experience remorse. You feel bad for uprooting your child’s family and home. Because of how much you work, you feel bad. Guilt comes from skipping performances, plays, sports, and other events.
The issue is that some single parents look for external ways to satisfy their guilt. To try to make up for the areas they feel they are failing as parents, they purchase clothing, toys, video games, and other items.
Your children don’t require a lot of things. Yes, they’ll be overjoyed if you give them the newest video game, a fancy car, or designer clothes. But you are the one they actually need. I’m done now.
Children require a parent who cares for them and is always available. They most need your presence, even if it is less than you would prefer.
2. Become self-sufficient in money.
Couples fight most frequently over money. Unfortunately, divorce has little effect on that. You need to achieve financial independence if you want to succeed as a single mother.
Being financially independent relieves a lot of stress and provides you freedom in your interpersonal interactions. Establish a budget first. If the numbers don’t add up, you must either increase your income, reduce your expenses, or do both.
3. Embrace the past while you can.
Making peace with your past and refusing to let it define you or take control of your life is a must for moving forward. It is imperative that you let go of any feelings of abandonment or betrayal you may be coping with, regardless of how you came to be a single mother—whether it was through divorce, a death in the family, or never having a relationship with the father.
You cannot alter the past or the pain you experienced, but you can try to improve your life and the life of your kid by drawing on the strength you gained from conquering those challenges. Thoughts for the future should be kept in mind while living in the present.
4. Collaborate with other lone mothers.
It can be extremely lonely as you learn to negotiate your new role as a single parent. It can also be frightening and unpredictable. When that individual is in your shoes, it’s always preferable to have someone to confide in, lean on, and share your happy and stressful moments with.
There is absolutely no shame in occasionally asking another single mother to watch your children since she understands the struggle. She also understands that if she needs it, you’ll be there for her.
One of the best presents you can offer yourself while you adjust to your new role as a single parent is to look for others in your circumstances. Your predicament will be more understood by other single mothers than by anybody else. They’ll also be an excellent resource for guidance when you need it since you won’t have to go through the trouble of explaining everything to them.
5. Being imperfect is common.
Nobody is flawless. However, compared to other parents, single parents frequently experience pressure to do perfectly. It could be the long-standing stigma attached to being a single parent (though it is diminishing).
Your companion isn’t perfection. You are one person carrying out a task that requires two. That implies that mistakes will occasionally be made. You’ll need to decide what to prioritize. And occasionally, you’ll only manage to perform things just barely well enough.
In order to spend time with the kids or get to bed early for yourself, you may occasionally need to leave the dishes in the sink overnight. You could occasionally miss a kid’s function to go to work. Sometimes you’ll leave work early to attend your child’s performance or game.
You shouldn’t even try to be flawless because you can’t. Instead, make every attempt to produce your finest work and focus on the things that are most important right now.
6. Do not worry about criticism.
We never know how people will respond when we reveal something significant to the outside world, whether it be an engagement, a new baby, a new home, a new job, a serious illness, a separation, or a divorce. The commentary and feedback are typically highly favorable when it’s happy news, like a pregnancy announcement or a career advancement. But when a marriage ends, things can get really complicated.
There are many unfavorable misconceptions about being a single mother, but you must resist them if you want to succeed. Surprisingly, most of us do not adhere to those misunderstandings. We are strong, gorgeous, and hard-working women just trying to make the best of difficult circumstances.
According to studies, we frequently exaggerate how much and how negatively other people view us and our flaws. We are regrettably far more restrained and less spontaneous and joyous than we could be as a result of this.
7. Learn to say NO.
Mama, you must be a dependable and capable parent if you want both you and your children to succeed. If you’re not, all you’ll do is breed more chaos and small monsters in your environment.
This means we reject the idea of purchasing their love or absolving ourselves of our unjustified guilt by caving in to all of their demands. Allowing them to have a third cookie won’t change the reality that their father abandoned them.
They do not have authority. A YOU. They must respect you and you must respect them for a good home. We are not the parents from Disneyland. We are simply single parents who happen to be parents.
We’re not telling you to stop having fun with your kids or to stop showing them love, affection, and presents. We are for continuous discipline and appropriate expectations.
8. Accept help.
You are completing a task that requires two persons. Alone. You’ll require assistance.
Thankfully, there are many who care about you, your kids, and want to support you.
Never attempt to go it alone. Without a question, it might be difficult at times to swallow your pride. however, it will keep you sane.
9. Rely on close relatives.
Some mothers worry that family members will feel taken advantage of, yet watching out for the younger family members is a long-standing custom. Try to put your personal concerns aside; many of us spent a lot of time with our grandparents growing up.
Have an open discussion with your family members to determine whether they are willing to assist you. You might be surprised by how open they are to doing some babysitting, even if it’s just for a few hours every now and then.
10. Find time for yourself.
Making time for yourself, despite the fact that it can be challenging to do so, is essential for your mental and physical health. Finding time to be away from the kids must be done purposefully and planned in advance when there is no built-in spouse to take care.
If you have joint custody, make the most of the time away from your children by working hard and taking care of yourself. You cannot put sleep, exercise, or a healthy diet at the bottom of your list of priorities. Make time for enjoyable pursuits as well, such as hobbies and creative pursuits.
Don’t let being a mother define you alone, even though it is the most significant job you have. If you are the sole caregiver for your children, finding time for yourself will be more challenging.
You and your children will eventually appreciate you for using the resources you have to spend time to self-care.
11. Stay organized.
Excellent organizing skills are a necessary in order to keep everything running smoothly when there are so many things to manage. Use Cozi as a family organizer for anything from appointments and grocery lists to after-school activities, Mealime for meal planning, and Mint for your finances.
If you share custody, keep in touch frequently so that it is understood who will be in charge of what for your children. Maintain consistent morning and evening routines so that your children understand what to anticipate every day.
12. Be adaptable (and avoid becoming a control freak).
Even while it’s crucial to remain organized and prepared, things don’t always go as planned.
Allow for flexibility by establishing a backup plan for childcare and with your employer in case your children become sick and need to stay home or babysitters need to cancel last-minute.
Make a list of people you may contact, for instance, or discuss with your boss the possibility of working from home in case of crises.
Above all, avoid letting unforeseen developments overwhelm you and ruin your day.
13. Keep to your means.
Budgeting and living within your means become even more crucial when you have to support your family on one salary.
Make it a goal to pay off any unpaid debt that is racking up interest as soon as you can. The easiest method to see how much money is being spent each month on different things and what is left over is to lay up a budget.
Find strategies to save money on the essentials by shopping during deals, buying certain items used, and making a meal plan.
Decide how much can be spent on luxuries like dining out, vacations, and movie tickets once the required expenditures have been paid.
Do not let your family’s finances be a source of stress. Maintain a healthy bank account while instructing your children on how to handle money appropriately.
14. Spend quality time with your kids.
As a single mother, your time with your children is much more precious and constrained. Make the time you have with your children matter.
Instead of letting kids watch TV, take children on enjoyable and inexpensive outings to the park, playground, or museum. Use mealtimes as the ideal opportunity to inquire about their academic progress and social relationships with their peers.
Instead of viewing it as a chore or a waste of time, when your children want you to play with them, consider it a privilege and a chance to strengthen your relationship with them. When you are with them, be fully present without thinking about your work or multitasking. There will be no doubt that this will improve your relationship with your children.
15. Be gentle with yourself and life.
If you’re constantly looking for all the ways you think you’re failing, you’ll never succeed as a single parent. Instead, practice self-compassion. Recognize that you’re making the best effort you can given the circumstances.
Knowing that anything you do is sufficient is the secret to thriving. It makes no difference if it is less than what you would like to do or what someone else would do. You did your best, thus it is sufficient.
Your kids can only ask you for that.
Bottom Line
It’s not simple taking care of a child by yourself. The best way to make this process a little bit easier is to make use of all the tools at your disposal.
Among the things you should use to your advantage are technology, a system of organization, and a supporting community. It’s crucial to change your perspective and become more realistic when it comes to issues like priorities and finances.
Above all, remember to take care of yourself. You can best care for the people you love when you take care of yourself.
You deserve to be happy and fulfilled because you are one of the most hardworking persons there is.