Why is your ex still your ex? But he or she also had a vital role in your life for a long time, so it makes sense that you would want to maintain some sort of connection with them. Many ex-couples, whether dating partners or spouses, attempt to be friends after a split, and some are successful in doing so.
The likelihood that your connection with your ex will wind up being a great experience rather than a trying struggle depends on some of your reasons, including some you might not be willing to fully accept.
However, there are both good and bad reasons to maintain your friendship with your ex. Make sure you’re not doing it for any of these reasons if you’ve ended a relationship but still want to keep it going. It might be detrimental to you both to maintain your friendship for the wrong reasons.
12 Worst Reasons for Staying Friends with Your Ex
It may be wise to stand back and think things over if you discover that you are maintaining your friendship with your ex for any of these reasons.
1. You feel sorry for them.
It’s likely that both of you will feel emotionally distraught just after a split. The last thing you probably want to do is upset your ex even more by rejecting their friendship, especially if you started the break-up and they are taking it particularly hard.
This is a bad justification to keep in touch with them, especially if your ex is involved. The best thing for them is distance from you if they’re still hurting from the split, even if they’re not aware of it. Don’t rekindle your friendship until you’ve dealt with your split.
2. You’re feeling jealous.
Another reason why people maintain friendships with ex-partners is because they experience ex-partner jealousy. They want to monitor them, find out who they are with, and maybe even stop them from moving on or pursuing other people. It might still hurt to consider your ex being happy with someone else, even if you know a relationship wasn’t meant to be.
Staying friends may offer you access to information about their dating life and perhaps give you some control over it, which is an alluring possibility. But if you have conflicting sentiments about your ex’s attempts to move on, becoming their confidant might not be in either of your best interests in the long term.
You can’t maintain your friendship with them for this reason. Before you make an effort to rekindle your friendship, get over your envy.
3. You miss them.
Nope. If you just keep in touch with your ex because you miss them, don’t. You’re not giving yourself the space you need to get over your feelings if you’re always thinking about them while still spending time with them.
4. You’re lonely.
It might feel like there is a void in your social life after a breakup, and it may take some time to fill that hole.
It can sound more enticing to invite your ex over for a movie and takeout on a Friday night when you’re feeling lonely than to put forth the effort to go out and meet new people. But it may also send you hurtling down the relationship rollercoaster of on-again, off-again.
It’s reasonable to miss the intimacy of a love connection, but it might not be worth it to put yourself in risk by hooking up with an ex. Instead of turning to your friends and family when you’re feeling lonely, find methods to make the most of your alone time.
5. You want them to change for you.
You may have split up with your ex because they were unfaithful or drank too much, but you’re still holding out hope that they would grow up and become the type of partner you desire. You’re attempting to maintain them in your life by being friends, and perhaps you can even assist them in making adjustments.
Your engagement in their personal life in that capacity ends once a relationship ends. If you asked them to change when you were dating and they refused, they most definitely won’t do so for you now. They will change from the inside out if they wish to make changes to something about themselves. Don’t wait impatiently for them to become the person you want. Pass on.