Although I hear it often in my job as a relationship counselor and writer, it still surprises me on some level: “Why do so many highly brilliant, successful, and gorgeous women choose for ‘bad boys’ or alpha males?” In other words, why does someone who may be such a great catch undermine themselves by making such bad decisions?
A guy who owns himself is a “alpha male”. He has a strong sense of self and knows exactly who he is and what he wants. It seems sense that feminine energy would find it so alluring as it is the absolute definition of male energy.
The disadvantage of the alpha is that he sometimes exhibits traits like self-obsession, insensitivity, jealousy, control, and, un extreme circumstances, may even be aggressive or degrading. The drawback for people in relationships with that kind of guy is that he often cheats since so many women are drawn to his more primal, male energy, giving him more options. The actress Sandra Bullock and her ex-husband, motorcycle bad boy Jesse James, who officially divorced after his repeated adultery was made public in 2010, are perhaps the finest illustration of this situation in real life.
The question that inspired me to write this post was recently posed by a lady. “A very type A girl,” was how she defined herself. I always imagined I’d need an alpha man in my life, she said, “to bring out more of my feminine side.” She went on to claim that while she and alpha males “understand” each other because they are powerful enough to “take” her, these guys are also cheats, verbal/emotional abusers, or worse.
Because the issue affects so many intelligent, successful women, and because I can explain this phenomena, I was quite grateful that she posed her inquiry.
To begin with, this brilliant lady and others like her are functioning under a massive, incorrect assumption that ruins their chances of finding love. Additionally, unless they modify it, it will keep sabotaging them again.
Put an end to the “type A.”
Because the drive to maintain consistency with who we feel we are is the primary factor in human psychology, identifying as a “very type A girl” is a warped image of oneself.