He makes me chuckle. He brings joy to my heart. When I’m making breakfast, he makes me dance around the kitchen, and when I’m taking a shower, he makes me use the speakerphone because I just cannot wait another five minutes to tell him the events of my day.
He amuses me absurdly. He drives me insane. He helps me understand why things didn’t work out with the others. He gives my body the proper kind of life. Like what was promised to us in the films we watched as children, longing for something significant and lovely to appear in our laps.
Do you recall when we discussed weddings? relating to first kisses? about our prom date plans and our “crush” relationships? You realize how fast life moves? And now, years and distance later, here we are.
When I tell you about him, I’m hoping you can hear my heart pounding through the phone. When you say you’re pleased for me, I hope you really mean it.
And I hope you know that he’ll never come between us.
I cherish him. He is unaware of the moment I cried into your chest when my college lover was caught cheating, though. He is unaware of the way I fell apart like a leaf at the end of my first relationship. He is unaware of how I have maintained my guard or of my propensity to fall too quickly and too deeply.
He is unaware of the incident when we were intoxicated to the point of foolishness and traversed the city laughing. Or the time we sat up watching movies and talking about our dreams till four in the morning. Or how it feels to have ice cream with me in the middle of the freaking afternoon while you pour your heart out.
And perhaps in due course he will. He could eventually reveal my layers. He could eventually become my eternal love.
And you? I will always be with you.
You’ll always be the one I loved first—the hands that held me, the words that built me, the piece of my heart that can never be replaced.
You’ll always be the person I turn to in times of stress, the one I confide in, the one who will be there for me on my wedding day when I make a commitment to him.
Him and I? We’ll develop. We’ll discover. We will bumble, botch up, fall, and fall far. I hope that one day I’ll be able to confide in him with all of my secrets, dreams, and hopes. I want he would finally become the person I invest all of myself in and continually select.
But he’ll never replace you.
You’ll always have a significant portion of my heart, even if I give it to him. You’ll always be my best buddy, no matter where this life takes us or how our tales turn out. I always put my affection for the first person first.