LIBRA
You are so sophisticated and lovely that family members get nauseous because of you. If so, you are also horribly bipolar and incapable of coming to a choice for yourself. Typically, you would turn to TV Guide or your therapist.
Stylish and adaptable people tend to be Libras. They are amusing because they will quickly adopt something they previously detested if it becomes popular. These individuals are not wholly blind to velvet. Many ethnic foods from countries that they don’t comprehend are consumed by Libras. They were the only innovators of the cappuccino movement. If you ask them why, they will make an obscure point about unity.
You worry about what other people might think all the time. Maybe people might like you more if you truly paid attention. Libras utilize passages from plays by David Mamet to explain abstract ideas. Then they get cute tiny pocket cards with those ideas inscribed on them made.
The J. Crew catalog eliminates the Libran’s interest in the news. They don’t consume fast food, and they have no idea where to throw their waste. Their pricey shoes are tied by other parties. There have only ever been two Libras discovered at charity shops. Their lamé turtlenecks were matched by the hue of their bell-bottoms.
Libras are constantly at the forefront of ideas that the rest of us consider to be total pompous nonsense. They have sizable CD collections that they have never even opened. Libras support fashion-related charity. A lot of Libras work in Hollywood.
You are to blame for the resurgence of parachute trousers and butterfly hairpins. Those large jam shorts are the next item on the list. Most likely, you never got rid of your last pair. Keep your Winger t-shirt handy as well. A Libra may be made as inebriated as possible and yet be able to describe the distinction between a café au lait and a café latté. This is strange because the rest of us are aware that there is absolutely no difference.
SCORPIO
You got into computers early so you could get away with using made-up, nonsense lingo. Scorpios make up the majority of both chat board hopefuls and hackers who believe they will find fame there.
Because you prefer to take your coffee with a spoon straight from the bag, you humiliate Libras. There’s a chance that you’ve ever snorted Chock Full o’ Nuts. And you’re quite serious about your paranoid beatnik outlook on life.
Many Scorpios have successfully figured out how to smoke in the shower. Your biggest pet peeve is that you’ve never been kidnapped by aliens or been the victim of a government plot. The majority of those fabricated virus alerts and money-offerings from Bill Gates are your attempts to create controversy. Bill Gates is a Scorpio, which is ironic. There should be no question because he lives in a completely automated barracks.
Your grand scheme to rule the globe with you at the lead will never succeed. You find it difficult to believe that Star Trek is a work of fiction and that you are not a Borg commander. Scorpios explain intellectual ideas using profanity. Halloween occurs right in the midst of the Scorpio range, which is not surprising. The one time of year when making up hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and Dr. Who impersonations won’t land you in jail.
Because it provides them yet another chance to smoke, Scorpios have intense sex desires. Scorpios have a lot of advise to provide on topics that don’t relevant to them. Asking a relevant question to someone will reveal if they are a Scorpio or not. The reply will be “I’m sorry, what?” when there has been quiet for five minutes. Scorpios frequently have hair, which they believe makes them more virile. In particular, this applies to Scorpio women. Scorpios commit lottery fraud. They can hack anything that is automated.
SAGITTARIUS
Adventurers by nature, Sagittarius. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and attempting to navigate the dark hallways of the bathroom at odd hours of the night. They would rather suffer a disabling injury than choose the simple route.
Sagittarians like entertaining their loved ones, close friends, and complete strangers. This frequently involves transvestism. Almost of Sagittarians were conceived as the opposite gender. Sagittarians lack social graces and are obnoxious. They want to hurt others.
Typical nicknames for Sagittarians are Thunderpooper and Vomitus Maximus. Small children and animals adore Sagittarians. It’s sad since adults often despise them. But Sagittarians make great vagrants and circus freaks.
Sagittarians explain philosophical ideas through interpretative dance. The Sagittarian is known for wearing offensive buttons and bumper stickers. They toss food at posh restaurants and interrogate people throughout religious services. Never invite a Sagittarius to meet your parents at your house. Your mother will be bound, and your father will be pantless.
Among notable Sagittarians is the Geo Metro. Thanksgiving is the occasion when the sun is in Sagittarius. This is very suitable given that everyone eats till they are sick and pass out and that New York, the most Sagittarian city in the world, is filled with cross-dressers and enormous inflatable creatures.
A typically Sagittarian picture is of the Shriners driving about in their small miniature automobiles. Even more so if a tremendously busted woman is also crammed into the car. There is never a greater Madonna than a Sagittarius. Both men and women can pull off sequins and safety helmets. The Sagittarius can never be considered unhip.
