6. Reading is essential.
You already know that it is the main source of enjoyment in my free time. The fact that you appear to share it makes me feel tremendously proud and happy. That sensation of identifying with characters, of drifting into another world, of finding yourself completely lost there? They remain forever. Welcome.
7. You are not me.
We have a lot in common, yet you are wholly, totally, utterly your own person. I can assure you that even when I forget it, I am aware of it. I am aware that one of the primary duties of your youth, which I can see glinting over the horizon, is to grow apart from me. That area, that separation, that crucial cleaving—I fear it like ice in my stomach—but I want you to know that I am aware of how important it is. Grace, I’ll be here regardless of what happens. The crimson thread binding us together will sag. I’m positive of it. And after the change is complete, there will be a brand-new, even closer connection. That is something that I am also aware of.
8. It is almost never about you.
What I mean is that, nearly always, when someone behaves in a hurtful or insecure way toward you, it is not because of them; it is because of something that is going on inside of them. I really battle with this one, and despite my best efforts, I have never once advised you to “get over it” or stop being so sensitive when you are upset. Although your intellect may tell you differently, trust me when I say that I am aware of how feelings may break your heart. But perhaps, just perhaps, it will be helpful to keep in mind that, even if they accidentally cross paths with you, most people are battling their own demons.
9. There is no single person who can be your everything.
Give this authority to no one individual at a time, please. I believe you are seeking fulfillment because of a deep loneliness that you may have acquired from me. It’s normal to have what Woolf described as a “emptiness about the center of existence.” Nobody will be up to the task of trying to fill that aching with other people (or anything else, like food, drink, or numbing practices of a trillion types you don’t even know of yet). You’ll experience disappointment, and even worse, loneliness will linger no matter what. I’m learning to embrace it and acknowledge it as a fundamental aspect of who I am. I want to support you in doing the same.
10. I am trying my best.
I am aware that I am not the mother you need or deserve. I get frustrated, I make mistakes, and I become loud. I apologize. More than anybody else in the world, I adore you and your brother, and I always wish I could do more for you. I’m quick to inform you that I don’t always approve of your actions. But I still adore you every single day with every fiber of my existence. Whatever the case,
