Ask Them What They’d Change
What would your partner alter about their past if they could? If they could go back in time, what would they change?
According to Kimberly Hershenson, LCSW, a certified therapist in New York City, “these inquiries enable you know more about your spouse, what they may regret, what motivates them, and what brings them happiness,” she tells Bustle.
In addition, it will guide your future decision-making as a pair. Knowing what your spouse regrets can help you two work as a team to prevent a repetition of the past.
Talk About Regrets
Similar to this, talking about regrets might reveal more about each other’s histories. According to Jonathan Bennett, a relationship and dating specialist from Double Trust Dating, “This is a ‘serious’ question not appropriate for light-hearted situations.” However, a person’s biggest regret might tell us a lot about them.
Share your worst errors and lost chances with each other when the time is appropriate, as it may lead to some very emotional conversations. It “can be a terrific way to be vulnerable with one other,” as Bennett puts it.
Chat About A New Hobby
When you stick to the same routine every day, life might get tedious. Therefore, make it a point to stir things up. According to relationship guru Stef Safran, “find a new interest to enjoy together.” “Something you can do together, like cooking or working out.”
Alternately, go it alone for the evening. Part ways and spend some time alone, visiting friends, or engaging in a solitary activity. Both of you will have a lot to talk about when you get together again.
Learn More About What Influences Them
Inquire about your partner’s role models or other influential individuals or things, such as their family, favorite novels, political figures, etc. According to Bennett, “this inquiry may teach you a lot more about your spouse and the individuals who molded their lives.” “You could get a deeper appreciation for your partner’s morals and decisions.”
Ask About Their Ideal Career
It is simple to become mired in a line of work out of need rather than passion. So, inquire as to what your spouse would do if money were no object.
According to Bennett, “most individuals hardly ever pursue their desired employment.” “Your companion may be a professional musician, athlete, dancer, or have another desired job that you were unaware of.” You’ll see each other more clearly after learning more about one another.
Then, if it’s feasible, think of methods to help one another move toward a more desirable career. Going back to school or changing careers can be just what you need to feel motivated again if one of you feels trapped in life or in your relationship.
Make Each Other Laugh
Making each other laugh is a further strategy for escaping a conversational rut, suggests therapist and life coach Risa Williams, LMFT, to Bustle. It’s simple to just go through the motions without looking for hilarious moments when you’ve given in to boredom or are in a stodgy rut. But they are constantly present.
Make it a point to add humor to your day by cracking jokes, joking about with one another, and offering astute remarks. Bring back something you did frequently when you first started dating, most likely!
